Today I received a letter from the Roman Catholic Church, or at least what I can only assume is an organization related to it. Within this wonderful letter, formatted to appear as though they’d taken the time to use a typewriter, is a plea for money. That’s right – a plea for the one thing the Church has most – money. Money collected through tithes, pillaging, extorting helpless peasants, and other questionable practises, but money nonetheless.

What they fail to mention in this wonderful piece of emotional blackmail is their religious nature. Soup Nun says: accept Jesus, or no soup for you! Of course, bringing Jesus into the lives of these emotionally troubled, disturbed, and otherwise perturbed teens’ lives can’t possibly do any harm, right?

I’ll refrain from mocking the grammar of the letter itself; I’ll let you judge for yourself. Here’s the full text, reproduced verbatim:

Dear Friend,

I’m writing you today to let you know that you can be a wonderful and precious angel of mercy – a Guardian Angel – to a scared homeless child.

That’s why I’m sending you this angel necklace – in the hope that it will be a silent reminder to you of God’s love and our children’s need for love.

My name is Sister Patricia Cruise and I run a place called Covenant House – an emergency crisis shelter for abused, abandoned and homeless youth.

Kids come to our shelter desperately needing food, clean cloths and a safe place to sleep. They come to us because they have no place else to go.

Our “covenant”, our promise to the kids, is that our doors are always open, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Any kid – of any faith – is welcome to safety, hot meals, a warm bed and lots of love.

We take this promise very seriously.

You see, the kids who come to us by the hundreds every week have already been let down in so many ways that we have to be the one thing they can count on.

So often they need counselling to help them handle the physical and emotional abuse they have survived.

Many, many kids have been molested by relatives and other adults they loved and trusted.

Some have been kicked out of their homes by families who just didn’t want them – or because their families had too many problems of their own.

But, when these kid flee to the streets, they don’t find the peace they hope for and they don’t escape from their problems. In fact, it’s just the opposite. They find pimps, drug pushers and con artists.

These predators take innocent, scared, hungry kids, and lure them with food and shelter into doing things the kids will regret forever.

Covenant House stands as a beacon against this darkness. We offer kids God’s love and acceptance.

When a child reaches out his or her hand for help, we take is – more than 4,000 kids this year alone.

We feed them, clothe them, protect them and give them medical care. We help them find a home, get an education, a job – we give them a second chance to be kids.

But, we can’t do it alone.

That’s why, I’m hoping you’ll accept my invitation to become a Guardian Angel to a homeless and exploited kid by sending a gift of $35, $50 or even $100, if you can.

It doesn’t take much to be a Guardian Angel for our kids. Their needs are really very simple – a hot meal, clean cloths, a warm bed … and lots of love.

Please help us now. While they’re still young. While they’re still alive. While we can still help them.

God be with you,
Sister Patricia A. Cruise
President

P.S. Any gift you send will help. It doesn’t matter how much you give, because when we combine your gift with hundreds of others it becomes a wonderful source of love and support to help our kids.

Take a moment to let it sink in, then look back. How many times did they describe the plight of these poor, helpless, defenceless, beaten, abused, hurt, homeless children without love in their lives? Whatever the number, and emotional blackmail aside, they want your money so they can take care of these poor, helpless, defenceless, beaten, abused, hurt, homeless children. What the letter fails to mention is the fact that they’re a religious organization, and asking nuns to stop frothing over Jesus is like asking a Priest not to touch the altar boys.

Don’t get me wrong – I love charities. What I despise is religious charity – organizations which take advantage of these poor, helpless, defenceless, beaten, abused, hurt, homeless children to inject religion into their lives. If you want to help someone going through a traumatic experience, you don’t give them more emotional baggage to carry.

If you want to give to charities, by all means, do so, but at the very least, donate to a secular charity. You don’t need Jesus to help the children.

At least the necklace is pretty.

Bunnymuffins.